5 reasons why BBC Three sucks

bbc three

Welcome to the planet “Derp!”

BBC Three is one of those channels that I just look at, see their programming library, and then grieve for humanity. Yes, I’m hating on BBC Three, every teen’s favourite channel at the moment, but I have very good reasons for it.

In my teenage years, there were only two programs that I used to commonly watch on there (Russell Howard’s Good News and Family Guy), and as I got older, I began to gravitate away from them. In short, I began not to like them.

Seeing the ads for various other programs also gave me a very negative opinion of the network. Here are the five reasons why.

1. Crappy programmes

some girls

I apologize to the sexually frustrated fans of “Some Girls”.

I could mention Family Guy and American Dad!, but I’ve already done that way too many times. Instead, I’ll focus on BBC Three’s other shows.

BBC Three is designed for teenagers, and young adults who don’t have a brain. Therefore, it should only be natural that the channel would kowtow to sensationalist tactics in order to draw in young minds. Many, if not all of its programmes are catered to young people. Many of the comedies are just awful. The ads for some programmes like Some Girls just leave such a poor impression that I just consider it a bad investment of my time. And then of course there’s the awful Way to Go sitcom, which was cancelled within only 6 months.

BBC Three also has numerous (awful) reality TV programmes like Song Marry Avoid? and Extreme OCD Camp (both of which I’m sure nobody with a brain watches), and this leads to another problem.

2. It kowtows to the popularity of reality TV

Reality TV has been on the rise in this country since the year 2000, and virtually every UK channel has been joining in just to make money. During this time, many lowlifes being being built up as stars whose fame would only last for a short while.

The earliest of these more pathetic reality TV shows I could remember is The World’s Strictest Parents, which places two deliberately obnoxious British teens (who make the rest of us look bad) in strict families from around the world in order to teach them to be obedient. Aside from that premise being completely pathetic and morally intolerable, it’s also a complete contradiction of the channel’s “teen values”.

Speaking of values…

3. The pretentious moralism

stacey dooley

Pictured: The common ratings whore

Some of BBC Three’s documentaries delve into serious issues, which no teen cares about, nor has the right to care about since they still don’t know enough about how the world works. Occasionally, BBC Three relies on one Stacey Dooley, a young woman who basically makes a living travelling to poorer countries, where she covers issues like child labour, child warfare, sex trafficking, etc., and cries in front of the camera in order to make it look like she really cares, in what I like to call the “Dooley Technique”.

south park

“Jeez, what a li’l crybaby!”

Stacey Dooley is not the only example of the channel’s petty moralism. BBC Three has a programme called Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents, where two teens go on a vacation, and their parents are sent to spy on them. All this is basically just a condemnation of teen sex just for the sake of appeasing the old men running the BBC.

BBC Three seems to have the same kind of moral pretentiousness as the soulless tabloids, except that the tabloids hide it with softcore porn. BBC Three on the other hand is completely naked, with no real way to hide its pretentious moralism from the masses.

4. They’re dumbing down Britain’s youth

Sure, you could say that about all TV, but not all TV channels do this. BBC Three, ITV 2 and Channel 5 are basically our equivalents of America’s Fox Network, in that there’s no low they won’t sink to grab ratings. Consequently, BBC Three is full of lowbrow programmes that only rot the brain.

The BBC has a factual channel (BBC Four), but the problem is that BBC Four is the most boring channel you can ever watch in this country. BBC Three has a show called Free Speech, but all it does is take serious political issues and dumb them down by fifty shades in order to get young people to have an opinion on them. If that is dumbing people down, then I don’t know what is.

5. Their idea of teen culture is blatantly stereotypical

youth stereotypes

I’ve already established that BBC Three attempts to appeal to the youth and their culture. But what is their view on youth culture? It seems to me that everyone in the British media views teenagers the same way, as “moody” or “troublesome chavs”. Come on, I thought we were past his.

The network also assumes that all teens like the pop music, alternative rock, and electronic dance music that’s on the radio today. I don’t, and look at me, I’m doing just fine. It also assumes that all teenagers are stupid enough to fall for their crap.

Well, there are around 5.4 million teenagers in the UK, and only 624,691 people actually like that channel, most of whom are from London. Once again, the British media expects London to be the ideal for all of Britain, but in BBC Three, they think all teens are like obnoxious, troublesome London teens, who themselves are outnumbered by the ordinary teens, you know, the ones who disprove the stereotypes everyday.

Conclusion

BBC Three is nothing more than a populist network trying to appeal to the lowest common denominator, just like Channel 5 and ITV 2. If we ignore channels like these, then you may find something better, and you’ll probably forget all about that channel.

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One thought on “5 reasons why BBC Three sucks

  1. I was looking for an article like this or someone’s opinion, to know that i am not alone in thinking that BBC3 is total bollocks the comedies are fucking awful today. 1. who writes this crap? and 2. who even watches this crap?

    BBC in general stinks there hasn’t been a good fucking program since the 60s – 90s and in terms of comedy, you had Only Fools and Horses, Men behaving badly, Harry Enfield, Vicar of Dibley, the young ones, Bottom, Gimme gimme gimme, etc, even fucking Dinner ladies was more funny than the crap on T.V. now, and i hated that program.

    I’m only in my 20’s and i’d rather be watching programs from decades ago why? because they had brilliant writers who could actually write a script, actors who could actually act and priceless humor time and time again.

    So until they find a new batch of fucking prodigies it’s safe to say British Television is dead!

    Thank you brilliant article!

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