In defence of marriage

marriage

Pictured: A woman’s fantasy

For some bizarre reason, one thing I’ve wanted is to live the classical “wife and three kids” kind of family. I don’t know why, it just sounded right. But there’s one thing noticed lately, that Hollywood seems to have a two-faced view on marriage. On the one hand, it single-mindedly promotes the monogamous lifestyle, and especially taking the woman’s side. On the other hand, it also enforces the message that marriage is a death trap for men, with only women getting the good end of the deal. And don’t get me started on Two and a Half Men’s overly cynical view of marriage.

I’ve done plenty of thinking on this particular subject, and I came to the conclusion that, since marriage is an agreement that both the man and the woman enter, then marriage is only as good or bad as the people who enter it. By that, I mean that a bad marriage occurs when it’s entered by stupid and/or overly selfish people. A marriage is good when the people in it both genuinely love each other and will do anything to make each other happy.

There are plenty of characters in mainstream TV shows and movies (mainly sitcoms) who go through incredible lengths to mask the fact that their afraid of commitment. Charlie Harper, Kate Wales (from Anger Management), Brian the Dog, the list goes on and on. The way I see it is that if you’re afraid of commitment, then it’s obvious that monogamy isn’t right for you. I just wish that characters who feel that way would say “nah, marriage isn’t my thing”, rather than masking their fear of commitment.

But you know what, I don’t think that such people exist as a majority in real life. Most people don’t have such an extremely selfish view when it comes to marriage, because most people aren’t as twisted as the Hollywood stereotypes.

The way I see it is that marriage is a social contract with only one purpose, to unite two people together based on a mutual commitment of fidelity. Being that it’s the case, I think that marriage should be entered by people who have given it much thought, are actually willing to commit, and are actually happy to be with each other for more than just sexual attraction.

The problem with the modern perception of marriage is that it’s based on two things.

1. The last generation rushed into marriages and careers. The baby boomer era basically rushed into a marriage because they were expected to get married at some point, and in a primarily religious culture such as the culture of the 70’s and 80’s, this was inevitable. Some of these Baby Boomers went on to have a role in Hollywood, and if they had a bad marriage, then they will take their frustration and pass it off is truth.

2. Some people marry purely for the materialistic benefits, such as insurance benefits, and the illusion of social acceptance.

I believe that marriage only looks bad to some people due to those people believing the Hollywood stereotypes. Dude, it’s Hollywood, they’re masters of lies, and it’s practically their job to keep us distracted from critical thinking.

Overall, If you’re going to marry the woman you love, then you should give it some thought, and consider whether or not you really want to spend the rest of your life with her. If you don’t, then you could end up with a rushed marriage that will only last for as long as you have to look after a problem child.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “In defence of marriage

  1. In criticizing people with failed marriages for being selfish, you might as well put down the whole of mankind for it, because selfishness and self-interest are not only natural and a driving force of mankind, but also not nearly as evil as you clearly think it is. Even the quest for emotional gratification gained by love, respect, and appreciated, and the desire to have an impact, is in itself a selfish desire, which is why you see actions supposedly motivated by selflessness. You can’t people down for criticizing marriage for “extremely selfish” reasons (by the way I find that term quite laughable) for the same reasons you can’t put people down for marrying for materialistic benefits (though as I said, even the quest for love is a selfish one). Can you honestly chain two people together and expect them to love each other forever for religion, tradition, and the illusion of selflessness? Remember, selfless means self-less, without self.

    • First of all, I never said that selfishness was inherently evil. That’s what Hollywood has been saying (Hollywood being related to much of the subject matter). Secondly, this post is not about the “evils of selfishness”, as the central message is that if you are afraid of commitment, the marriage isn’t right for you, and maybe you shouldn’t marry anyway. Right off the bat, I can tell that you’re not the marrying type, and that’s perfectly fine. Just don’t chastise the people who want to make that choice.

      • I’ll admit, marriage isn’t for me, but it’s not some character flaw that’s the biggest reason for this, or THE reason for that matter. I don’t chastise people (for the most part), and this has nothing to do with choice. I have a major problem with the institution of marriage and the idea of being domesticated, which you can deny all you want but it happens. You’ll only think you’re free or happy when it starts, but eventually you will get tired of it, and you will feel miserable. You won’t know it yet, but soon it’ll happen, and there’s only one way out. I know for a fact you aren’t married yet, so before you complain about people being selfish with regards to marriage, you should get married, live a married life for a while, and then, after you’ve lived it long enough, see how you feel.

      • Like the Hollywood writers, you seem to have missed the point. Marriage isn’t exclusively about domestication. It’s about commitment and responsibility. Sure, I haven’t been married yet, considering my age, but neither are you. If, as you say, it’s not in my place to judge, then logically, it’s not yours either, solely because you aren’t married, and you already admitted that you probably won’t be. It seems to me that you don’t really know about marriage other than the cesspool of stereotypes you’ve picked up from various US sitcoms including Family Guy, all of which give exactly the confused, overly negative, one-sided view of marriage I’ve written against here.

      • It might seem like noble virtues such as commitment and responsibility to you, but that’s how it’s sold. At least to you. Eventually, you’ll be domesticated at some stage, and many couples just degenerate and lose their spirit in the end. And the only reason most people do it is because people are told from early on that getting married is how you are going to express your life and that it’s the next stage of life. Imagine how people would act if they were informed that they didn’t have to. And who says stereotypes were 100% wrong? They’re exaggerated, yes, but they often have even a grain of truth somewhere. And don’t say something doesn’t have even a small grain of truth just because of its propagation by media. I’ll just consider it rather petty.

      • Even if some Hollywood stereotypes do have a grain of sand worth of truth, a grain of sand is all it is. By the way, I find the idea that I’ve been sold the idea of marriage to be quite laughable, because I actually want to go down that road. If I choose to get married, then it logically can’t be domestication. As I’ve written today, I think that the people who feel “domesticated” only feel that way because they somehow got bored with their wives, and want to do it with another woman. They should have thought about that when they decided to marry their respective girlfriends. It’s called cheating because you’re effectively trying to worm your way out of an agreement. Maybe some people marry out of peer pressure, but ask yourself, do those people really love their spouses? Also, what about the people who did choose to get married in the end? What about the people who are living long and happy marriages and are still together (such people do exist)? You don’t seem to care about them because they don’t support your side. Before you say anything else, I’m aware of the egoists, and their philosophy isn’t bad, but they aren’t always right, and neither are you.

      • You don’t care for the fact that most people didn’t really choose marriage and don’t even realize it because it doesn’t support YOUR side, so don’t go and demonize me. From early in their lives, people are indoctrinated into thinking that they’re supposed to get married. Especially girls, who are brought up to believe that a Prince Charming will come along, marry them, and stay with them for the rest of their lives, effectively hiding girls from the reality that the love between particular individuals does not last forever. Domestication is a genuine happening. It happens when one becomes, or is made, docile, which does eventually happen in married life, and in settling down. And just because you choose at first, doesn’t mean you won’t start becoming more docile later, or that you won’t grow tired of married life later. And if you’re tired of the agreement, and can’t circumvent those feelings, you’re going to end the marriage soon.

        And by the way, you only say a philosophy isn’t always right because you disagree with it in some way. Let’s just be honest about that.

      • Considering that you have never married and never will, why don’t you show me some evidence to support your argument? Also, I can’t quite stand that you’re applying all of that to everyone, even me. You should know that domestication doesn’t happen to everyone in a monogamous life, and even if it can happen at all, then that’s why only the right people should marry.

      • The right people? Surely that’s quite Hollywood, as it rings to the mind a horrible cliche that people are destined for each other, and don’t deny it because I said. Even if two people are right for each other, it does not last forever.

        If you think about it, what are the reasons people do get married? They’ll tell you it’s love, but that’s because they believe this is what you do when you’re in love.

      • You honestly think most people are like that? You’re obviously can’t realize that marriage can be a genuine result of genuine love. Sure, we’ve been taught for generations that marriage is “the only way to fulfil a committed relationship”, but many of us grow up learning how relationships actually work, and many of us still choose to get married on their own free will, regardless of the many other options. To say what you’ve been repeatedly saying is to say that adults are incapable of making their own decisions.

      • No it’s not. Blindly following ideas that you are indoctrinated to believe and you don’t actually believe is not really choosing to do something on your own free will. There may be those who do choose marriage, and I am confident they are simply trying to make it work again, which would imply they still believe, just they want to revive it

        C’mon. You don’t honestly expect the majority of people to marry for reasons other than being brought up to believe.

        You also seem to think that anyone who criticizes marriage is a pig, and can’t have any moral objection to marriage, but they can and do. You also seem to forget that people who cheat often have reasons for cheating, such as dissatisfaction and unhappiness, but feel they can’t get out the marriage for whatever reason. And you sometimes say they should have thought about it, but how the hell can they know they would feel the unhappiness that they feel. You can’t predict this.

        The evidence of the terrible results of domestication is found in the deterioration of life and spirit you see in couples who have settled down for a long time and lost the pursuit of life in favor of a predictable and soft life.

      • This isn’t always the case. Just because it happens to some people doesn’t mean it happens to everyone. By the way, you can’t predict everything in life. Some things just happen anyway, and before you say that contradicts everything I’ve said, it doesn’t. I only ask that people consider whether or not they really love the person they want to marry. Also, it’s quite possible that many of the people who only marry “because it’s what they’ve been brought up to believe” come from a religious background (in our society, it’s generally a Christian background). If you think our view of marriage is bad, consider the Indian view of marriage. It’s a hell of a lot worse because the idea of “arranged marriage” still holds sway over there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s