Well, it’s that time of year again. The sun is shining, the leaves are green, and the bugs are buzzing the hell around. That’s right, summer’s coming. I like summer, because it means I’m out of
school college for a few more months! Unfortunately, there’s a downside to the summer season. I’m here to express the parts of summer I’ve always hated.
1. Hay fever
This might have more to do with before summer than during summer, but it’s still going around, so I’ve got to mention it. Having problems with hay fever has become something of an annual tradition of sorts since I was a kid. For me, it starts in about April/May and ends at around June/July.
Either way, the pollen flying around is the reason I hardly went out a lot every summer. I start sneezing a lot, and I get this horribly persistent eczema on me (usually all over my arms).
What makes it worse is that in the past, all my exams where smack bang in the middle of hay fever season, the time where the pollen makes me lose focus.
At least I feel better when it’s all over.
2. Fucking wasps!!
I’ve always hated wasps, ever since I was 5, when my Dad found a bunch of them nesting in the tree in our old backyard. One of them stung my brother in the palm of his hand. He’s still alive, but I hate them anyway, because their just like bees, except they want to sting you.
Wasps have become the quintessential pests of the British summer, flying straight for our sandwiches, and bullying us with their stingers. I know that their stings are only really bad if you’re allergic to them, but I still try hard not to get stung (and I don’t get stung at all).
It’s not just wasps that become pests in the summer. In the house, there are plenty of flies that nobody does anything about. In fact, my Mom just uses the whole “it’s nature” excuse to not prevent them from coming in the house.
The summer is also the basis for one pop cultural norm: the Hollywood summer blockbuster. Yes, every summer, Hollywood pumps out some of its most flashy, expensive movies of the year like it’s a freaking fish bazaar. It’s become the ultimate cinema cliché, and it sucks.
Why? Most of them are just over-the-top, overlong toy commercials for kids to watch, and then buy merchandise of. It’s one of the most cynical, unscrupulous, yet effective ways the media gets parents to buy things for their kids, and make money for themselves.
Pretty much all of them come from America, and while there are a few that are worth watching, a lot of them just get stupider every year. For example, last year, we had the Michael Bay-style mess known as Battleship. The year before, we had the Green Lantern movie, which premiered to harsh reviews.
What travesty will we suffer this year?
4. It’s always Ibiza isn’t it?
The media always touts places like Spain or Mexico as ideal holiday places. Why? Because it’s targeting those messages towards teenagers. Whenever I think of a dance party in Ibiza, I just think of those toxic stereotypes of teens today.
I suppose it’s slightly appropriate. Ibiza is basically the sanctuary of the MTV lifestyle: a land of reckless, dumb, horny, tanned teenagers pretending that they’re not white guys, where the weather is always hot, and where the line between mature and immature is eternally blurred, and good taste is non existent.
At least that’s my picture of it. Years of bad impressions didn’t exactly help.
5. The return of the X Factor
In the middle of August, the X Factor will once again be returning to brainwash the masses into thinking that pop is good, and that hopeless, talentless teen hacks are good singers.
What makes it so much worse than the other on this list is that we the British public have to live with it for 4 months, and there’s always a shitty charity single (remember that god-awful 2010 version of “Heroes”?), and every finalist tops the charts every time (except in 2009).
The X Factor is the product of a faceless corporation named ITV, who knows their time is up, and so they never go broke appealing to the lowest common denominator. I’ve heard that the X Factor is going to be cancelled after its 2013 run. I hope that happens for real.