I already made a post about how the Simpsons should have ended its run years ago, but I want to express my opinion on the absolute worst characters. These are the characters who are the most painful to watch (at least in newer episodes). I’ll try as best as I can to cite examples of how bad they are. Being that there are so many of them, I’ve narrowed it down to five, and in no particular order. I must warn you, this is going to be a long post.
1. Marge Simpson
This list is in no particular order, but I feel she’s definitely the absolute worst in the whole cast. Firstly, her voice is terrible. It sounds like an octopus with lung cancer, and it’s gotten worse over the years. Now it sounds like an old aged octopus dying of lung cancer. But that’s the least of my problems. I’ve heard she’s the “level-headed one in all the madness”. Frankly, I think she’s a bigger cause of the madness than Homer. She’s extremely jealous of other women (like when she thought Homer was cheating on her in Colonel Homer), she likes everything bland and harmless (especially in the side-plot of Maximum Homerdrive), and she’s a complete hypocrite. Countless times she’s spoken in opposition towards sex and porn, yet she’s been willingly riding her status as the show’s sex symbol, not just within the show (as seen in Large Marge and The Devil Wears Nada), but as a victim of the infamous Rule 34 (appearing to pose nude on the front cover of Playboy in 2009, and dozens of suggestive fan art of her exist online, dare you look). She’s also overly moralizing, and yet she has been shown to be a supporter of the Democrats. This proves that liberals are no different to conservatives, fictional or not. Long story short, she is very overrated, much like the next character I’m about to make mention of.
2. Lisa Simpson
Basically, she’s the overachieving daughter of the Simpson family. I can look past her being a vegetarian and a Buddhist (though this does make her look like a Hollywood liberal). What I can’t stand is her textbook moralizing (as seen in countless episodes in Season 2), especially now that she’s developed a textbook liberal agenda. She’s also an extreme hypocrite. She claims to oppose the trashy pop culture of today, yet she was apparently willing to work with Lady Gaga (in Lisa Goes Gaga), and she was willing to sell herself out in the Kesha Party Anthem opening (from To Surveil With Love). She’s also a complete elitist, because she looks down on those who aren’t intellectual (as seen in later seasons), and she compartmentalizes everything into “logic” or “numbers” or “reality” (as seen in MoneyBART). She may as well be Richard Dawkins’ daughter, especially as she likes to have the “moral high ground” over Bart (as seen in War or the Simpsons).
3. Sideshow Mel
He can be funny in some episodes, but he’s just a side character, an annoying one in fact. My first problem is his blatantly ridiculous design (he has mint green hair with a bone through it). Also, he’s a lousy replacement for the highly classy Sideshow Bob, who, as we all remember, went crazy and framed Krusty the Clown for armed robbery in Krusty Gets Busted. My main problem is that he always talks like a Shakespearean actor with ridiculously high class, even when it’s not appropriate. I don’t need to tell you of any examples.
4. Mr. Burns
Granted, there have been many funny moments involving him, but it’s his core personality that I don’t like. He’s basically a millionaire tyrant who won’t even spend a small amount of money on improvements to his power plant, but is perfectly fine with frivolous spending. He’s also horrifically out of touch with modern society (as seen in many episodes). I hate his personality because it’s a stereotype of corporate bosses, made by ostensibly liberal writers. I hate corporate bosses with a passion, but stereotypes are the wrong way to do it, especially in a family friendly show that isn’t really willing to take his immoral character further.
5. Helen Lovejoy
You know how Helen Lovejoy is. She’s Reverend Lovejoy’s gossiping wife who hangs out with the hypocrite Marge Simpson. We all remember her “think of the children” catchphrase, but it might actually be funny (especially when Moe said it in Margie, May I Sleep With Danger?), but I hate her because she loves to gossip, and ruin other women’s lives because she’s jealous. For me, she’s just a way of continuing the toxic stereotype that all women gossip behind people’s backs. Added to that, she supports the Republicans (as revealed in E Pluribus Wiggum), whom I passionately hate anyway.
Well, that was long and exhausting. Given the amount of content, I’d say that I hate Marge the most. I already made my position on the Simpsons, and I must say, these characters have not gotten better in the newer seasons. Well, that was long, but it only took about an hour to write.